Avens Dolor

Comments in red. --------- In the cold, dark alley, a small creature hunched, alone, freezing, soaked to the bone for the the night's cold, cold drizzle, and utterly miserable. Wayyyy ...

Comments in red. -------- Lightning rent the pitch blackness of night. Thunder shook the ground so hard it might of split. These are kind of standard phrases, thus they are ...

Comments in red. A cry of surprised pain was almost drowned out by the crack of a gunshot. This isn't as dramatic as I imagine you were hoping. There is ...

Comments in red! The night kisses our old fears and desires, welcoming them home. The radio on the bed played Top 40 and Danae sang along, though she didn’t know ...

----------- This is the story of a selfish but quite average man, and a less-than-average girl with a n annoyingly peppy personality. Nice opener! This is one of the few ...

I saw that you didn't get any critiques and thought that I might help out! Comments in red. ------- Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess named Arabelle. ...

Comments in red. ------------ It's been quite a while since I've come down this path. Good opener. The familiarities have left, the old blades of grass stretching out in triumph ...

Comments in red. ------------ This is a story about a time when nothing meant everything and everything meant nothing. Not bad, but this feels a little like one of those ...

Comments in red. “No, don’t hurt me period or semicolon I didn’t do anything to hurt you! Please don’t hurt me! Close quote. Also you say "hurt" an awful lot ...

Comments in red, as per usual. James spluttered and coughed dirt into his hand. He lay on the floor in front of his favorite tavern, “The Full Keg”. After a ...

The first thing I notice is that you say there is an empty void, and then you refer to the void as a person ("from his empty being"). So is ...

Comments in red. The northern sky was a dull uninteresting gray all the way to the horizon I'd take out "uninteresting". If something is "dull", it's probably also uninteresting. , ...

Comments in red. My name is Delihla Bee. I try to pretend that my family is at least semi-normal and some of the time it works! Cute concept, but I ...

Comments in red. //. Prologue The gates of hell sure didn't seem as scary as I thought it would. The ScapeGoat's head ScapeGoat? I'm not sure how I feel about ...

Small typo: The angel sighed prettily, but the smiled never left its perfect face. Should be "smile". I like to concept, but I feel like the high language is ill ...